Things I Know 121 of 365: Parent conferences should be amazing

The institution of grading students on an A through F scale has done a horrible disservice to education. It has falsely given the impression to generations of students that the teacher or the professor has some ultimate authority over the value of their work, as if their own assessment of what they were doing was somehow secondary.

Michael Winetsky

Teacher conferences at my high school included the teacher and my parents. As was reported back to me, my parents would travel from classroom to classroom listening and questioning as each teacher explained a semester’s worth of work and learning in about 5 minutes.

My part of the conference came once they arrived home.

“What do think Mrs. Henning-Buhr said about you?” my mother would say.

I’d fumble through an answer, and we’d move on to the next teacher.

Though I never saw them play poker, my parents would have run any table they chose.

As I explained my perceptions of a class and guessed at my teachers’ takes on our learning relationships, my parents sat in perfect stoic silence. Not once did they give so much as a raised eyebrow to indicate what I was saying was at least close to what they’d heard.

The things of which I was sure, like my grades, were of no help.

“I got an A in that class,” I would say.

“But what did the teacher have to say about your learning?” my stepfather would reply.

We would go ‘round and ‘round like this until I started talking about my actual experiences in the classroom without mention of my scores.

Grades have been on my mind this week as we wrapped up conferences at SLA. Twice each year, advisors sit down with advisory students and their parents to look over narrative report cards, discuss the previous quarters and set goals for the time ahead.

Because we have all an advisee’s narratives in one place, the conference can be about a larger picture than my parents’ 5-minute discuss-and-dash approach.

It’s not perfect.

For all of the community we’ve built and the lengths to which our students’ teachers have gone to qualify the learning for the term, we still have discussions where parents ask their kids, “Why did you get a B in Class X instead of an A?”

I hate these conversations.

I realize they come from years and years of the adults in the room being conditioned by grades, but I still hate them.

If a student was completely lost in the tall grass of algebra at the beginning of the semester, earning C’s and D’s on work, but found his way through it with support and guidance from the teacher and peers, a grade based on the mean average from the quarter is not going to denote that progress.

Depending on any number of factors, that student final grade could be a B or a C.

The dangers of grades are reflected in the conferences.

In an attempt to put more ownership of the process on the students, my co-advisor and I ask our advisees to lead their own conferences.

The look through their narratives and their report cards, take notes on what they want to highlight and then, on the day of the conference, lead us through a discussion of their learning.

Some are rockier than others, but all of them have more student input than any conferences my parents had with my teachers.

What I haven’t quite figured out is how to help students move away from a defensive posture when speaking about their grades and learning.

To a student, whether straight A’s or report card potpourri, every advisee takes on an almost apologetic tone as we wind our way through the conferences.

Often, I’ll interject.

“Learning is difficult. Meaningful learning is even more difficult. You did a lot of work in the last quarter to learn, you should be proud of yourself. I know I am.”

I’ll get a faint smile and sometimes a “Thank you,” then we’re back to defense.

Maybe I should be taking my parents’ approach, but with a minor tweak.

Maybe I should keep the narratives and the report cards from the students and start every conference with the same question, “What good things did your teachers have to say about you?”

Things I Know 69 of 365: Parents count

Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.

– Peter Ustinov

SLA’s Home and School Association hosted their second annual auction tonight. I missed last year’s because of an improv show.

Though dead tired from the week, I made it this year.

I’m glad I did.

Even if every faculty member at SLA had shown up tonight, we would have been in the minority. We were swimming in a sea of parents. It was a great thing.

As much as they carry the genetic and social makeup of their parents with them when they enter the classroom, it’s almost too easy to forget the students I teach are tied to the history of where and whom the come from.

Even with our above-average parent involvement this is true. I’m left to imagine the mindfulness of teachers toward the parents and guardians who raised the students they get to teach in schools around the district.

I think of this, and I worry.

A few weeks ago, I went to a rally focused on calling on Philly’s district office to stop intimidating teachers, make transparent its process for changing school structures and welcoming all stakeholders to the table when thinking about improving education.

Participation was a no-brainer.

Still, when a parent was welcomed to the microphone, I wondered how many parents were in attendance. When the rally concluded and all parents were called on to cheer in support, the noise was less than deafening.

We could be doing more.

Last year, when working with a group of second-year teachers, I suggested the idea of committing to making one positive phone call home before each of them left their schools at the end of the day.

Though one of the teachers thought the idea might have merit, everyone else in the room thought it was too much work.

I was sad.

“I’m not going to look for things just to call home and say a kid did something good,” one teacher said.

I was dumbfounded.

The core of my belief in the classroom is that I should be looking for the good in every student each period of the day. Because of life, this isn’t always possible. Still, it remains a goal. If you look for it, you’ll begin to note the contribution each student makes to every class. If you commit to calling home each night for one student, you’ll look for it.

Looking for the good is what led to me calling Eric’s mom when Eric was in eighth grade.

“He said something in class today that made many of the other students think and ask questions,” I said, “It really shows what kind of thoughtful student he is.”

Eric’s mom began to cry.

After nine years of public education, she was receiving her first positive phone call from a teacher. It made me proud. It made me sad.

I’m certified 6-12; I should never be the first phone positive phone call home for a kid. I shouldn’t be the second or third either.

Though it’s incredibly easy to see my students as separate from their parents, the best educations come from the connecting of parents and teachers in the efforts to help students be more.

The parents see all of who the kids were; the teachers work to see who the kids could be. Together, we form a more solid understanding of who the kids are.

Tonight was excellent. We met as people. This will prove ever-important as we help our students decide on the people they will become.